my life as matte

So get this.

I work hard, damn hard. I also enjoy comics, i enjoy the hunt for a rare copy as much as the satisfaction of reading a good arc.

I expected comic book day to be the one day where i could walk into my local comic book store and socialise with the other fans, compare finds and just generally socialise with like minded individuals. WRONG!

I saunter into Comiczone located on Barrack st in Perth. They had recently relocated and today was actually the re-opening for them. As i decend the stairs to the shop i become acutely aware of the musky, salty smell of sweat and potato chips. This first puzzles me but as i hit the last stair my eyes are cast out on a sea of rippling, jiggling, bulbous flesh. NECKBEARDS! NECKBEARDS EVERYWHERE!!!

I walk over to the long boxes that have the free comics in them. i start skimming through one, getting about half way before the fatty next to me pushes me aside and grabs the copy of Azrael #17 my hand was resting on, then immediatly starts flipping through the box i was at. I am so gobsmacked at this dudes gall that i don’t have a response handy. Instead i move across to another box on the other side of the room. As i get to the box three hands shoot infront of me, the alpha male of this fat pack (with a particularly hairy second chin, informs me that this box has been claimed by him and his cronies. Once again i am ashamed to say, i am left speechless at the confidence these career WoW players have gained on this one day. 

Still dazed, i walk to the counter to talk to the owner, we have spoken a few times at the old store so i feel pretty comfortable with him. we shoot the shit for a minute or two, chatting about the move and such. He leaves to help a guy find a Fatman comic… i mean Batman.

while he is away i glance to my right and see a pile of comics… nobody else is around…

is this it?

is this my chance?

I tentavly  reach out… slowly toward the pile… my finger tips slowly run along the binder of a batman/superman crossover…

i am about to take the plunge when suddenly MY HAND GETS SLAPPED AWAY!!!

This leather vest wearing, Pokemon Trading Card Game playing, Basement at his parents house dwelling, Man beast SLAPPED my hand away. I looked at him and he looked at me, and in this nasally, phlegm soaked voice (i swear i could HEAR his Zits) he said ‘Yeah these ones are mine buddy, find your own’.

By this point i have been in the shop a total of 6 minutes and have already had the worst experience with geeks of my life. He turned his back to me to continue counting his Lv. 85 WoW toons. I look at the pile again, he can’t see me, I grab a stack and walk… out of that dungeon… away from those fucks.

Comic Haul for today:

-Batman/superman #35

-Azrael #2, 7, 14, 17

woop-de-fuckin-dooo

“GET FUCKED FOUR EYES!”